Wednesday, October 21, 2009
If you couldn't tell by my 1/4 life post a few days ago, I've come to a major cross roads. One that has left me wondering for the first time things like, what is really going to make me happy? This past weekend Kiira and I filmed another k.t.c.. I was so inspired by the passion and enthusiasm she has in the kitchen. I left her house feeling motivated ... but not really sure towards what, which made me feel uneasy and unsure. I have all the drive in the world but lack a real focus; I like fashion and food, but also travel and technology. I could blog or backpack and I honestly can't answer which would make me happier. The point is I've been feeling a bit lost. At the risk of sounding totally cliche, I've been looking for a sign just letting me know I'm on the right track. I wasn't looking for anything huge - just something small to let me know it was going to all work out. This is where I really needed faith to come in, but I don't have religion, I just have Montauk. Montauk signifies peace and a sense of grounding in my life. Some people wear a Cross or a Star of David around their necks, I wear a Montauk daisy because that is what I believe in. Which is why when I was randomly handed a Ditch Witch t-shirt last night my eyes immediately filled with tears. Crying over a perfect fitting youth large? I'll admit that finding the perfect T is something worth shedding a tear over, but it really just signified that there can, and will, be peace in my life...no matter the form I find it in. It was just the reminder I was looking for that it all always works out, and that is something I know I have taken for granted the past few months. So whether I spend my life, or the next 5 months or 5 years, blogging or broke with a back pack, I got the sign I needed that I'm on the right track and focusing my very scattered energy on all of the very scattered right things.
Posted by Arax-Rae Van Buren at 1:16 AM