Thursday, June 25, 2009


This afternoon I shot a segment for the Today Show on how social networking sites have changed dating. Ours is a generation of voyeurs; but when do sites like Facebook and Twitter stop helping us and start hurting us? Whether it allows you to stalk your ex boyfriend (you know who you are!) or you've been tagged in a picture a little too close to someone who wasn't your boyfriend (you know who you are too, and for the record you are so much cooler than the chick who stalks her ex boyfriend) sometimes this technology plays a negative role in dating today. I don't expect there to be a technological revolution anytime soon, so we have to face the facts, the game has changed. Here are a few of the topics we touched upon while filming...

the initial contact: As a girl, when I first am interested in a guy I am not going to approach him for his number. A really non-invasive tactic for getting his attention is a friend request. This way you have establish contact without being too forward.

the "ex" files: Facebook or Stalkerbook? When first getting involved with someone it is natural to be curious of those who came before you. Before Facebook new couples were able to disclose information about their ex's on their own time, well, not any more! With Facebook you are able to see a documented photographic timeline of these past relationships. Were they tagged in pictures away on vacation together? Were they tagged in pictures together for the holidays? Before you have even addressed the ex's in the relationship you have come to your own conclusions on how serious this past relationship was.

what not having a Facebook says about you: We have come to an age in technology where not having a Facebook is bad business. Social networking has become such a tool that it is almost frowned upon to not have a Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter page. I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who didn't have a facebook page. To me it is a huge red-flag. My immediate thought is, "what does this person have to hide?". Everyone I know has some form of social networking page, even my Grandmother! If you aren't on Facebook it is because you don't want the "social networking paper trail", and I get that... I just wouldn't date you!

lost in translation: There is so much power in the tone of ones voice that is now lost. So much communication in the early stages of dating is happening via text, bbm, email, and Facebook messages. I know that I've asked the question on numerous occasions "what does this mean?". Sometimes it is really hard to translate. You read it, over think it, stare blankly at the screen, write 5 variations of the same message, then close your eyes, press send, shutter, quickly go to sent message, re-read it, shutter again, and then spend the rest of your day wondering how your message is going to be interrupted.

These comments and much, much more...

To get the full story you are going to have to tune in to The Today Show, Tuesday* on NBC! I had so much fun filming and loved working with the crew from NBC. I look forward to everyone seeing it and hearing your feed back. I am sure everyone has experiences similar to mine and I would love to hear them! There are many people who feel that Facebook has ruined dating, but I am not so quick to give up hope. I'm a hopeless romantic and optimist, I think love will find each and everyone of us, regardless of your friends who love to tag you in albums that should be entitled "Drunk Girls at Bad Camera Angles".

Clearly I've got nothing to hide:
Follow Kiss and Type on Twitter
Join the Kiss and Type Facebook Group

*With everything going on though with MJ and FF there is a chance it will get pushed back.


Nadina said...

so exciting arax - congrats!

Alex Krupp said...

By the way, people have been using the phrase "the X-files" to describe using your cell phone to find hookups. That is, you set all the girls' last names to X, so that way they're all in one place on your phone. Then you send them all the same text message and wait to see which one responds...

Arax-Rae Van Buren said...

Alex- that is the most ridiculous/genius thing I have ever heard!

spanky* said...

"If you aren't on Facebook it is because you don't want the "social networking paper trail", and I get that... I just wouldn't date you!"

ha, for sure. I was seeing a guy that "didn't have facebook" for a few weeks... it def came off as him being shady. he'd always say "i don't want people knowing my business" & yet the kid updates him AIM away message on an hourly basis... there had to have been some dirty laundry waiting for him!!!

I think that's amazing that you got to do that! Good for you Arax!!!

Jack said...

If you aren't on Facebook it is because you don't want the "social networking paper trail"

Or it could just as easily be that you have limited time and don't want another time suck in your life.

There are a ton of legitimate reasons why you don't want or need a Facebook account.